How to Make Friends as an Adult

Brianna Kozlarek / Thursday July 27, 2017
Image by Britt Taylor Photography via Aisle Perfect

Happy Thursday ladies! Today Kunbi and I are tackling a tricky subject. And as we’re heading into the weekend, a time spent lounging, shopping, brunching and instagramming, I think it’s the perfect time to discuss FOMO. But not your typical fear of missing on parties and avo toast, we’re talking specially about the fear of missing out on friendships, and how to approach it.

Let’s face it, it’s not nearly as easy as it used to be to make friends. Back in 6th grade, all you had to do was tell Becky you loved her hot pink Lisa Frank stickers and you would be instant BFF’s. As a adult, making new friends can feel very overwhelming. It’s even harder when you’re married, and happily so. Brandon and I have a tendency to withdraw into our relationship a lot, because we just really enjoy spending time together. Now before you run away puking, this is not always a good thing. We’re young(ish) and we shouldn’t be Netflix-ing every Saturday night. And maintaining some independence is super healthy for a relationship, so you’ve gotta push yourself to have girl/guy time.

Okay but where do I even find new friends?

We just moved to L.A. and literally don’t know anyone, so the struggle is extra real. The first and most natural place to make new friends is at the office. And believe me I get it, at the end of the day all you want to do it gtfo out that building, but dragging yourself to a few office happy hours or outings might let you see a coworker in a new light or allow you to discover some things you didn’t know you had in common.

Another idea? Sign up for a new class. Check out that new yoga studio or sign up for ceramics or that cooking class you know your boyfriend doesn’t actually want to go to. Go early. Stay late. As you begin to see the same faces every week, it will feel natural to strike up a conversation. Then you can suggest grabbing a juice (sorry that’s the L.A. talking – I meant grab a Grand Slam from IHOP) after your workout or a glass of wine after you learned how to properly poach an egg.

Need a slower approach? I kid you not, there is an app called Bumble BFF. Yes I have downloaded it and no I haven’t launched it yet. We’re in this together okay? It’s like dating app but instead of meeting up with bros it matches you with friends with like interests. Love it! Gonna try it. Promise.

Styling: Memkoh/Photographer: Jessica of Harmony in Happenstance

Making New Friends is like Dating

You’ve got to step outside your comfort zone. And you’re probably going to meet a few girls who you just don’t hit it off with. Maybe they aren’t into wine (dealbreaker) or you don’t really understand their cat obsession, but eventually you WILL find that girl. You know the one. It’s weirdly a little like falling in love. You text all the time, you get excited to see them and there’s no one you’d rather day drink and spontaneously shop with. That feeling is SO worth it so you’ve just got to be confident. I think a lot of us have trouble because we’re actually worried someone won’t like US – that they’d rather be hanging out elsewhere or with that chick Becky who always has the latest Chloe bag (ugh, Becky). But the truth is, you ARE amazing. You ARE interesting. And you will find your new adult BFF and it will be awesome.

Join Meetup Groups

There are a lot of Facebook page groups and other networking sites whose sole purpose is to bring together ladies who just moved to a new city. I can’t think of a better way to form a new bond then by exploring a new hometown together, or discovering new spots in your local neighborhood. There’s industry nights for professional networking, book clubs, wine & cheese meet ups – you name it! Sign up and most importantly – show up.

Get up and Get out

It all boils down to this. It can be sooo easy to stay in your yoga pants and get sucked into all the very available distractions around the house. But the tride and true best way to meet people is to actually be around people. And to do that, you have got to get up and get out. And really engage with your environment. That’s right, put the phone down and take out the head phones. Smile at a stranger. Strike up a conversation with that girl in the produce section. If you put yourself out there, good things will follow. Got any tips of your own on how to dive into the world of adult friendships? We’re all ears! Let us know in the comments below. And if you’re in L.A. and want to meet up, hit me it! @brianna_kozlarek

Emily Marie Photography